by Laurie A. Couture, M.Ed., LCMHC
We understand today that most of us who are parents, unless we grew up in a Paleolithic,
hunter-gatherer tribe, have likely suffered some degree of childhood developmental trauma.
The research shows that our childhood trauma is epigenetic, which means that:
- Childhood trauma is passed on generationally through our DNA.
- Childhood trauma affects how our genes express themselves—For example, trauma affects whether or not a person with a genetic predisposition to a trait (such as anxiety) will express that trait.
Sadly, our own childhood trauma can negatively affect our children in multiple ways:
- By passing on trauma generationally through our DNA.
- By impacting the quality of our child’s attachment relationship with us (secure verses insecure attachment).
- By compelling us to parent in a manner opposite to the way that we were parented, but in a manner that is also unhealthy (For example, by acting permissively if we had authoritarian parents).
- By compelling us toward living through our children, especially experiences that we didn’t get to have as kids.
- By sharing more of our troubles with them than is developmentally and relationally appropriate, expecting a role reversal of empathy and support from them.
- By impacting our ability to protect our children from others who may traumatize them.
- By leading us to actually reenact with our children the traumas done to us as children.
The good news is that we are empowered today with so many specialized treatments and services that didn’t exist for our parents, grandparents, and great-grands to help us mitigate the impact of our own trauma on our children’s lives. These treatments include:
- Marriage and Family Therapy
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
- Attachment-focused family therapy
- Somatic Experiencing
- …and so many more!
As parents, we all find ourselves saying or doing something from time to time that has clear echoes from our past. Breaking these patterns through treatment is not about self-blame, blaming our parents (and grands), nor blaming our children, but about empathizing with ourselves, our children, our elders, and the people around us. Moreover, treatment gives us hope for breaking the cycle of generational trauma.
Laurie A. Couture, a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor in Portsmouth, New Hampshire who specializes in treating childhood developmental trauma and attachment challenges in children and youths ages toddler to age 22. She has over 25 years of experience with kids and families as a trauma specialist, a consultant, a trainer and speaker, a Massachusetts licensed mental health counselor and outreach clinician, and provider in the fields of juvenile justice, foster and adoption social work, and education.
©2023 by Laurie A. Couture, M.Ed., LCMHC